Saturday, August 1, 2009

Lump In My Throat

I've been up since 4:15, and several times before that through the night. I'm restless, thinking about the future and how decisions I make now, will affect me, and possibly others, for years to come. I don't typically second guess myself and I don't like this feeling. I keep getting mad at myself for not doing things sooner. Then I remember that I have always loved my life. I'm trying to remember this, and mostly this.

I'm also thinking of friends, some close and some far away. I have to admit that I'm both sad and happy. I can barely see through the tears to type this. You'd probably laugh, if you could see me now. About the ones that are far away, I hope people who get to live near all them know how lucky they are. I'd give anything to put them all in one place and get to see them everyday. I would. And all their babies, ones just born and ones starting junior high this year. I'm praying for babies and overcome by how awesome it is to think of the potential in those kids and that God knew them before their moms ever felt them kick. That is so incredible. I'm thankful that I have a healthy niece because carrying a baby is not easy for everyone. She puts life in perspective.

As I write, and pray, and write, and pray I'm filled with peace. I know my steps are ordered of God, that He goes before me, that He chose me, and that there is no reason to worry.

And to all my friends facing your own trials, He thinks those things of you too. Isn't that humbling? It is for me.

1 comment:

Megan and Nate said...

SO now I have tears in my eyes. I miss you! You are always in my prayers. I couldn't have found a better friend than you. I would give anything to have you close to me. But in all honesty I don't think you want to move to Sandusky. Hopefully we move somewhere cool for residency and then you can come live with us there. Keep smiling!